Too Much Comedy

Today, we were talking about performance art in Composer’s Forum.  The professor mentioned that a ‘problem’ into which we might run is that anything we do might cross the line into comedy, especially if we try to be serious.  I did not find this to be a ‘problem,’  since I seem to be unable to not be unserious.    However, her comment about how seriousness crosses over to comedy when we try to be serious got me thinking.

Is the reason that I am always unserious because I am trying to mask many other serious problems?  Perhaps my defense mechanism against life’s problems is to pretend that everything is funny.

Maybe?  Maybe not?  Is it necessarily a bad thing?  We shall see.

What is Love?

This will sound a bit counterintuitive at first.

Love is when ones want for someone overcomes ones need for someone.

Neediness comes from desperation.  Desperation comes from scarcity.  Scarcity comes from lack of self confidence.

If you are hungry and have been starving, you will jump at the first thing that is edible; at that point, you need food.  However, if you are full, you will choose what food to eat, if there is food present.  Perhaps you really like the peanut butter praline, so you choose to have that.  But you had a choice- you could have not eaten it, or you could have waited and gotten yourself something else later.

Similarly, if you are desperate for a relationship, you will settle for whomever comes your way first;  you will confuse that neediness for love.  But, if you have the mindset that you are well liked and have a choice of whom you want to date, you will choose whom you think is best for you.

Of course, just saying that you are well liked but not believing it does not work.  You have to actually believe it, be confident, and be active in shaping your life.  Believe that you have the ability to make any person extremely happy and fortunate, and that people have to win you over, not the other way around.  Until you are confident in yourself, you will not be able to figure out what you want, and , therefore, you will be unable to attract people, leading you to be needy and confused.

Remember, I don’t know is never a good answer when dealing with relationships.

Be Awesome

There is no need to have a plan B because it distracts from plan A. – Will Smith

Two days ago, I decided that my life is fantastic.

And it has been.  For the past two days.  And it will continue to be, until I decide that it is not.

I decided that all the things that were making me unhappy…well, shouldn’t make me unhappy.  Because I am too awesome for that.  And the only reason that my life was not fantastic before two days ago is because I got too distracted and forgot that it was.

If you are at a loss for goals for the new year, consider these.  I promise these will change your life.

1.  In the long run, not everything matters as much as they initially seem. Live more in the moment.  Be spontaneous.  Take risks.  Try new things.  Just do it.

2.  If you’re not having fun, don’t do it. Or make it fun.  It’s all perspective, anyway.   I always have fun, whether it’s hanging out downtown or putting together portfolios.

3.  Be confident.  You are awesome, attractive, unique, and successful.  You only fail because you set yourself up to do so.  Believe it.  Do it.

Lastly, some things are worth waiting for, but many things are not.  Keep things in perspective.  If you decide something is worth waiting for, still keep those three things above in mind.

And now, some relevant pictures.

I’m Forever Yours

We know that I am pretty observant.  At least, I pretend to be, and you might believe it.

Lately, I’ve been wondering if the reason that I am so observant is because I have trust problems.  That the reason I find it necessary to be able to read people is because I don’t believe everything people tell me, so I find out myself.

Granted, I think, conversely, that most people can do with being a little more observant sometimes.  However, I think I do have a trust problem.  I like to think that I don’t, but it’s kind of obvious that I do, and I should accept it and come to terms with it.

Also, is it possible to be too accepting?  Ideally, when you realize something is true, you should accept it.  However, we know very well that what truth is a funny thing sometimes.  How can we accept what is true when we don’t always know what is true?  Also, what if, sometimes, it is better to not accept something?  If I accept what I think is true that I am a bad tuba player, will that encourage me to work harder or not as hard as if I do not accept that?  Also, do we fall into what I call a “void of mediocrity” when we start accepting everything as they are?  That is, if we accept that life sucks, then it will suck.  But if we don’t accept it, we might try to make it better.

Just go with it.

Patience is Key

There are flaws to being patient.

Being patient means that one focuses on that one thing is not immediately attainable.  This leads to a few things:

1)  Attention is diverted from other things to focus on this one thing for an extended period of time.

2)  During the period where this thing is not attainable but attention is only focused on it, the net total of things attained comes out to be zero.

The point is that when one is patiently waiting for something, whether it be a thing, a person, an event, or progress, one might lose more opportunities for other things that come during that time, due to one’s attention being diverted from being receptive to other things.  Also, since nothing in the future is set in stone, one might turn out to be patient in vain.

Patience is not a bad thing.  However, it is definitely not always a virtue.  Any virtue stops being a virtue when it becomes detrimental.  The difficult part is to decide when something becomes detrimental.

The saying, “Everything in moderation,” is an oxymoron, unless if one applies that concept to that saying.  Otherwise, if everything is done in moderation, how is that moderation?  For some things are worth going to the extreme.  The challenge is deciding what is worth it, and when one has been patient for too long.  Being patient takes effort.

Irrelevant, I know.

Holding Hands: A Social Phenomenon?

Why do couples hold hands while walking around in public?  Holding hands is one of the few socially accepted means of publicly displaying affection.  If I see a girl holding hands with someone, I know to think, “Okay; she is probably taken.”  Also, as my roommate said, “In college, some girls want a boyfriend just so other guys will stop hitting on them.”  However, out of everything that one would find a couple doing that they would not do if they were not a couple, holding hands is one that is very automatic and of which is not often thought.  I mean, people have casual sex all the time, but two people are unlikely to hold hands if they are not going out.  So, why do we do it?

Holding hands is not new; different forms of it have been happening for years in human history, and we see other animals doing it.  However, who really knows what the reason is?  For some, it is a sign of possession – “I am holding her because she is mine.”  For others, it may be a sign of affection – “I care about you and want to be close and protect you.”

The question, then, is when did holding hands come to have the value that we have placed on it today?  Certainly, physical contact invokes feelings of affection.  Does that mean we hold hands because we have these feelings, or does holding hands cause us to have these feelings?

Similarly, I have once thought about whether love was a social creation.  We know lust and the need to reproduce is natural, but this concept of love is rather abstract.  Physical contact invokes feelings of affection;  the need for attention sometimes deludes us; the media, society, and other people put suggestions into our heads.  I have yet to conclude if love is a social creation, but if it is, I will be angry.

Back to the holding hands phenomenon.  It is fun.  I enjoy being close and physical to those to whom I am attracted.  However, one should not using holding hands as a a way to boost one’s ego or claim possession of someone.  I do it because it is fun, I like it, and it feels good knowing that someone trusts you enough to let you get that close; not because society has placed labels on what it means when two people are holding hands.

Life’s Challenges

Life’s challenges usually make life fun and worth living. Life would be unexciting if everything came easy.

I especially like challenges. I remember one time I said that I’m “ready to get hurt again,” referring to that I’m ready to move on from the past and meet new girls who will end up making me unhappy since that is usually what happens. But, you get hurt, you move on, you learn a few things, and it gets better. And when something finally works, it is that much better because of how hard you worked for it.

That is why I enjoy running, I suppose. It’s so much work, and sometimes there are disappointments, but you also see results. Seeing the fruition of all that hard work is rewarding.

Challenges sometimes come in the form of others not believing in you. Those are quite fun. The next time someone tells you, or you think someone would tell you, that what you want to do is crazy and that you’d probably fail, consider taking that challenge; if not to spite the people, but just to better yourself, even if you end up failing.

Spreading Yourself (Not Literally)

There is that saying that happiness / smiling is contagious. And it’s true. If you have not noticed it already in your own life, there are articles about that.

However, how often do we think about or care that the opposite is also true? When we are sad, we can bring down those with whom we directly associate. We can also bring down those with whom those associates associate. When we are sad, it may seem like not much else really matters except for what is making us sad. My belief is that we should learn to pull ourselves back when we are sad and look at ourselves from…well, the outside. So, instead of being sad and looking at the world through your sad eyes, be the world at look at your sad self. You might find that not everything is as big of a deal as it seems; in fact, it usually is not. Realize, also, how you are also hurting others, either consciously or unconsciously, because of your biased emotions. Remember who cares about you and try not to mistreat them.

Another important thing to mention is that your world — that is, your perception of the word, is based on…well, yourself. If you are a happy person, the world seems to filled with more happy things. Similarly, if you are a liar and always lie, the world will lie back at you; your life will be full of lies. And so on; it is a combination of perception, attention to details, archetyping, bias, and maybe some other factors.

Also related, on a more specific note, is how you dislike someone: there is something about them that you see in yourself that you do not like. In other words, it is totally your fault that you dislike someone. Even if this someone hurts you; you dislike the fact that you let that person exploit your weakness. In other words, you would not have gotten hurt if you had not let them hurt you. And you should not have gotten hurt – why should you let someone hurt you? Well, we will get to that later.

Drawing the Line

There’s this song out on the radio right now. It starts off with something about how he wishes he were a billionaire or something stupid like that. Pretty much a song about materialism. My response to the song was that it is ridiculous. Well, obviously I would say that, but I went on to explain how materialism is not necessarily a bad thing; however, the line for materialism gets drawn really quickly. In other words, it is good to have desires, goals, and dreams, but only as a means to self improvement, and not as a means for personal selfishness. For example, I may want to win a race, but not because winning the race would make me happy, but because winning the race means that I am becoming a better runner, and that my hard work is paying off, and it is that which makes me happy; that is, happiness drawn internally as opposed to externally.

With that, I have found that, for me, having two things about which I am materialistic; that is, about which I obsess, is a good number. Everything else is good from which to detach. That is, there are two things in my life about which I allow myself to be selfish. I believe those two things will bring me to a greater happiness and self improvement.

Many other things enter our lives. Most of those things are distractions, and many are just not worth it to which to get attached.

The concept of detaching and letting go is difficult. Think about everything that makes you happy. Now, think about what really makes you happy. Not just happy in the moment, but truly, deeply happy, maybe for years. Now imagine letting go of everything that does not fall into that second category, leaving you with only your bare essentials of life. Now, rejoice, because you get to keep two things from the first category. Choose wisely.

With this, naturally, comes an interesting technique. That is the ability to turn on and off emotions and feelings. Maybe I’m just a freak. Or maybe certain feelings are also distractions and don’t matter. Or maybe I’m a hedonist. Or maybe we should be detached from certain feelings.

It is through suffering and meditation that we realize that life might not actually be too bad. What irony.

(By that, I mean by going through pain and struggling through it, although meditation does help with that).

Emotional Detachment

The practical application of emotional detachment does not mean being unattached to ones emotions / having no emotions to certain situations; it is, in fact, the complete opposite.

It is having control of your emotions, as opposed to letting your emotions control you.

More specifically, it could mean having control of your interests, as opposed to having your interests control you.

Do not give that which hurts you the acknowledgement that said subject has that effect over you.