This winter break has been the most interesting so far.  Although there has only been two others before this one.  And they both sucked, really.  Both involved girls that would break my heart at a later point.  This year, however, most days involved sleeping, playing video games, some minimal level of productivity, and doing horrible things at night.  You know, the goingoutbeinglouddrinkingwitholdpeoplehittingongirlsandlightsabers kind of horribleness.

And in a week, I’ll probably start the hardest semester of my undergraduate career.  And I’m actually pretty excited.  Except for the Music History II part.

On one hand, it is very important to know how to relax, going with the flow, and make the best of all situations.  Sometimes, when one is not trying to force certain situations, everything seems to fall into place and happen by itself.  Like, when we finally decide to stop pursuing something, that is when we achieve it.  ”They always know to come back after you’ve forgotten about them.”  It matters not what happens in the end, as long as we learn a lot from trying to get there.

On the other hand, why settle?  I know what I want, and I will make it happen.  I am certainly not going to back down from a challenge.  I will make the first move and many moves after that.  No shame, do it confidently (or pretend so).  You never know how far you could go (or how fast).

So, do you see the contradiction?  Lately, I think my mindset has been, “Okay, you know what you want.  Make it happen, but if you fail, that’s okay too,” which is okay, but I usually end up failing it seems.

I once said that every social interaction I have is a chance for me to better myself.  It is true.  I reflect on every conversation that I have.  I consider my body language, my choice of words, topics of discussion, etc, and how effective those were in helping me convey what I wanted to convey.  The ultimate goal is to be able to connect with people.  Many times, it matters not how smart one can be.  One needs to be able to talk and make others comfortable talking to you.

The other day, I went on a date.  Did it go well?  Sure.  How was my interaction?  I would say it was pretty poor.  Of course, I do know that I am very hard on myself.  However, I feel like most of my failures came from overthinking the paradox that I described above.  I like to think I can be very confident and have what some call good “inner game”, and that things get better with time because I gain more experiences, but, sometimes, it sucks to fail.  Sure, I go on this date, evaluate my interaction, learn from it, and, next time, I am a little bit more successful.  But, perhaps if I learn faster, I will stop losing girls that I actually like.

Of course, there is also the time that I tried to seduce a girl who had a boyfriend.  That went well.  Almost as well but still worse than the time I tried to win my heat of the 1500 meter run.  Which was actually slightly better than the time that I tried to prove that I was God.  But sometimes, even I have to accept temporary defeat.

Okay, the relationship is not working.  You’ve changed, I changed, the situation’s changed.  Mostly understandable.  Cheating, emotional and/or physical.  Not acceptable.  Really.

Faithfulness is the one thing that keeps relationships together.  Although that is somewhat cheating to say because that also entails honesty.  But that is the very fundamental of all relationships.  I suppose many people live in a world where they take fundamentals for granted.

Maslow’s hierarchy groups human needs into several levels and says that until all needs on one level are met, humans will not strive to meet the needs of the next level.  Here is a graphic.

So the theory would be that self-actualization is that for which we strive, and we do that by satisfying the needs below that.  However, I offer a different (although probably similar) interpretation.

The physiological needs are our most fundamental needs, and they must always be met.  The higher one moves up on the hierarchy, the more one realizes the importance of the levels below, especially the fundamental.  What seems to actually happen is that as people satisfy more and more levels, they forget more about the fundamentals.  As one approaches self-actualization by moving up the hierarchy, one looks more inward for satisfaction because one starts to realize that everything else is external and cannot provide the same level of satisfaction.  Therefore, those approaching self-actualization are not so because all of the other needs are being met, but that they are satisfied with the needs, i.e. they are fulfilled whether or not those needs are being met (aside from the fundamentals) because they are looking inward for satisfaction and not outward.

Many people find it too difficult to live with just the fundamentals, whether that be in life, relationships, or anything.

So why are all these relationships failing?  People cannot seem to commit to the fundamentals.  People ask for too much before mastering the fundamentals.  People are not ready but think they are.  Most of these people are girls.

So, girls, stop hurting people.  Stop hurting guys.  The only thing that does seems to be to give us reasons to drink.

Although we might as well.  These recent developments have upset me so.  Good relationships that would have been even greater if people would just grow up.

The good news is that since all of this nonesense has been happening to my friends, I tried to think of a common factor between all of us.  The common factor seems to be that we are all smart (I like to think that I am too).  I guess I am the other common factor, but I doubt I am the one causing all everything.  But, really.  I have smart friends and tend to attract smart people into my life.  Go us.

Overall, whether the memories are mostly good or bad, lots of lessons were learned.  But take a bigger step back, and it just seems like a dream.

During a dream, what is the most fun thing to do when there is the sudden realization that the current moment is a dream? Go crazy.  Nothing will matter in the future, once the body wakes up.  If we had known this back then, that all this would seem to us no more than just a dream, would we have done some stuff differently?  Perhaps taken a few more risks, went on a few more dates, and dome more awesome things.

Well, what if college ends up being the same after we graduate, along with our jobs and relationships?

Surveys have found out that people are more okay with situations than they think they will be, i.e. one is not as happy nor saddened by events that they think will make them happy or sad.

In conclusion, take a few more risks, go on a few more dates, and do some more awesome things.

2.  My overt strangeness makes others uncomfortable.  True story.

3.  There is not enough alcohol I can afford to solve my problems.

4.  In moments of weakness do we learn the most about ourselves.  I learned that I am not the person that I think I am.

5.  I’m too sober for this crap.

Moral of this story:  have fun, learn lessons, keep alcohol away from Kenny.

Four Quadrant To-Do

“Most people sort by order received, or by due date, both are WRONG!”

As one can see, what is important and due soon deserves attention, obviously.  Also obvious is that what is not important and not due soon deserves the least attention.  Now, most people, after doing everything that is important and due soon, will work on stuff that is unimportant and due soon.  But why do something if it’s unimportant?  Work on what is important.  It is obviously more important than that which is unimportant.

After this work is done, one can feel free to move onto the unimportant stuff.  Ideally, if one follows this well, most items will end up in the “important but not due soon” box because one is so efficient that nothing is put off until the last minute.

It is frustrating when people complain to me about not having enough time.  Some people find the oddest things to be important and due soon.

Also, people have value and can be prioritized.  They see their value to you by evaluating the amount and the quality of the time they spend with you that you allot them.

Or is that just me making the assumption the people think like I do?

That to which the title is referencing.

My concern for the race on the race on Sunday was 1) What will happen to my foot if I run on it while I still have tendonitis, and 2) I haven’t run in 3 weeks; can I actually complete it?  So, of course, those were that on which I focused for the whole week, mentally preparing myself to overcome those two things.

Come race day, the string on one of my sandals break.  What a curveball.  I did not see that coming.  I was too busy focusing on the other stuff, both of which happened to be no problem (my tendonitis actually seemed to have gone away during the race and hasn’t come back).  So, I end up running in socks and acquiring “some of the worse blisters [the trainer's] ever seen.”

This just goes to show that one just cannot know what to expect.  ”Expect the unexpected” is cliche; I want to say, “Embrace the unexpected.”  Trying to predict the future will limit the possible experiences;  playing with the circumstances in which you find yourself means you will always have fun.

Just go for it.  When I am faced with having decide between doing something or not doing something, I will probably do it.  Why wait?  How often have you waited, thinking, “No, not today.  I’ll have another chance tomorrow,” only to have that chance not come by again.  ”Kenny, don’t run the half marathon; you’re injured.  Just run it next year.”  That, to me, is more preposterous than taking 15 classes in one semester.

Of course, this is relative, and sometimes works the opposite way.  When faced with whether to “move on” or “wait”, I kind of picked the middle ground.  It’s somewhat contradictory for a statement that emphasizes not waiting to say, “Don’t wait to wait.”  *mind blown*  It is all relative to the situation, and what blinds us from making smart choices in these situations is something called realism.

I used to be called a realist (as opposed to pessimist or optimist).  It was somewhat true; I was a very practical person.  I saw things as they were – as objectively as possible – and accepted them as such.  Then I realized that that was dumb.  Why accept things as they are?  Unless if the essence of everything is such that it all conforms to your needs and desires (which it doesn’t unless if you’re God (but if you’re God, then you just are, but that’s another discussion) ).  Therefore, if things will not change for you, you have the change things for yourself.  Mary Engelbreit said, “If you don’t like something, change it; if you can’t change it, change your attitude about it.”  Make things work.  Don’t just optimistically hope that things will work.  Take action.

Limiting mindsets are what hold us back.  Do you know what you want?  Go get it.  Don’t wait.  Have fun.  If you fail, at least you had fun and probably learned something.  How do I survive taking so many classes?  I make all of them fun.

The Rolling Stones said, “You can’t always get what you want / But if you try sometimes well you just might find / You get what you need.”  I only somewhat agree.  I need very little.  What I want, I  don’t necessarily need.  However, our desires make us unique, and if we embrace these desires, instead of being ashamed or scared of them, we might actually get what we want.  With good intentions, one can’t ever desire too deeply.

Desires are good things.

My friend, despite the fact that we haven’t really engaged in running for the past three weeks, the Right Foot and I have decided that we are going to run the half marathon this weekend; therefore, it would be in your best interest to get better by then; otherwise, you might not be happy for a while afterward.

Love You Dearly,

Kenny and the Right Foot

For all my other loved ones: