Are you a masochist? Maybe you are, but you don’t know it; at least, not on the conscious level.
First, we need to look at relationships and society (are you surprised that those are what I’m going to talk about?). Something that is rather universally accepted is the fact that all guys want, ever, is sex, while girls are always looking for a deeper connection. Since this is what is supposedly true, characters created by the media usually exhibit these traits. But, what if we were to think, for a second, that it is not the media that portrays what is happening, but people who are portraying what is in the media? While you think about that, let me introduce another point.
The brain is, without a doubt, complex. everyday, when scientists think they’ve figured something out about the brain, they discover more things about which to be confused. Therefore, we may say that we know what we want and what our thought processes are, but really, we only have a somewhat limited knowledge based on what we think we know about the brain. Therefore, I ask that you open mindedly consider the things that I’m about to say. They might or might not be true, but I have a feeling that they won’t be always false in all cases.
Whether or not the media established these archetypes of guys and girls first, or it were merely modeling off of our behavior (basically, a Chicken or the Egg question), doesn’t really matter right now. We do know, however, that not all guys just want sex, and definitely not all girls just want a deeper connection. There are guys who would put the happiness of their partners first and above all. It might not, and probably doesn’t, mean that sex is unimportant (although it could), but there is just something that they find more important than their physical gratifications. We call these guys “wussies”/a truck load of other condescending names. On the other end, we have girls who aren’t looking for “deeper connections.” They want to be free, have fun, uncommitted, and, like the rest of the human species, fulfill their desires. we call these girls…well, a bunch of bad names; one of which sounds like a gardening tool.
Now, consider this. If society says that girls expressing their desires were the norm, or guys actually having emotions were the norm, then, well, that’d be the norm! It’d be completely okay and accepted; and because of tat, all your love-y movies, like those Disney ones, might have slightly different endings/plotlines; since those movies portray what girls supposedly want. So, what is most widely accepted is considered the norm; and the media portrays what the norm is. OR. The media suggests what the nor is, and if enough people accept it, it becomes the norm. Either way, a norm has been established. This norm dictates what most people do. Most people accept it, a few deny it, and a few are somewhere in between.
Now, we ask why people do some of the things they do. Genetics is always a factor. However, it would be foolish to think that our genetics account for everything. Definitely, the environment, and the way that our brain interprets the environment, which scientists don’t even fully comprehend yet, contribute to many factors of our lives. So, we will assume that everyone is born “clean,” uninfluenced by anything or anyone to think or act in certain ways. But, even as soon as we are picked up after we’re born and dressed, we might already be exposed to ways of society. Maybe we’re wearing blue or pink, depending on what our gender was. So, as we grow up, we take in all of this stuff that we call the norm, and when we get to a certain point, we decide whether to accept the norms/which ones to accept, and from which to deviate and how far. Some people never get to this point, but it’s not always their faults. Society’s pull is just that strong. In fact, even though some people think about a lot of this stuff, there are many things that you’d never realize that you could think about. For example.
People who don’t believe in pre-marital sex, people who break of good, working relationships, girls who refuse to embrace their sexual desires, guys who refuse to embrace their sexual desires; they all have one thing in common: they believe that waiting will bring greater pleasure when it does come. While waiting, they tell themselves stuff lie,”It’ll be worth it”, “I want it to be special”, ‘Whatever he/she wants.”
The original question was about masochists. Who’s a masochist? One who derives pleasure from receiving pain/torture. What hurts the most? Think about it. Is it physical pain? Probably not. It’s probably emotional pain. Probably something that you really wanted, but you couldn’t have/you were denied. But…people deny themselves what they want all the time! What does this mean? It means that people have become masochists because of society.Not to worry, though. Despise what society might say, there is nothing wrong with being a masochist. Moving on, now.
Because of society, people have to deny themselves what they want in order to remain in the norm. That’s a lot of pain and torture. So, what if, in order to protect us, our brains (because, as you know, that’s what your body does the best: protect you) decided that in order to put up with all abstaining from what we want, we are going to feel good about what we are doing, if we know/think that there’ll be a greater reward at the end. That’s pretty similar to probably what you are more familiar with when you hear “masochist”: “hit me hard now so that I can have a big orgasm later.” Or something like that. So, those who abstain from pre-marital sex, even if they desire it, do so because they believe it’ll be better after marriage. Those who end working relationships, not because the relationship was bad, but because they believe that there’s something of greater pleasure in the long run from the pain that’s about to be caused. Guys that tell girls, “Whatever you want.” Do I even have to explain that one?
So, maybe, just maybe, we are all a little bit masochist. I feel as though this essay worked well in introducing thought provoking topics in many areas. For now, I say that death is the ultimate abstinence, and life is the ultimate indulgence; so indulge yourself in what you want, for you have all the time in the world after you’re dead to not have it.
